It sucks to act aloof when you actually care, but being misunderstood and reprimanded like a little girl is tons worse.
Playground
walk into my life by accident, but decide to stay on purpose.
In 2012
Well, hello 2012.
This year, I strive to find out why I feel unhappy and unfulfilled 50% of the time. Life’s too short to continue moping.
Once I find out the reason(s) for my unhappiness, I will either nip the problem the bud, or drop it. Can’t waste time being unhappy infinitely, yo.
Till next time.
Let’s talk about weight
Comeback post! It’s been a long time; I miss this space…
The muse for this post stems from my bumping into a shadow of my past. To be more exact, she’s someone from my secondary school years. The history between us is complicated, and I have no wish to revisit those memories, but let’s just say she managed to get something I had really wanted (at that time).
So I was trudging along the walkway at Bouna Vista MRT, wanting to get onto a circle line train to One-North. Suddenly I spotted this girl walking towards me. Headed in the opposite direction as I was, she was busy fiddling with her phone and had her other hand on a flimsy file.
Now… I’ve always wondered why some people walk around immaculately dressed, in killer heels and perfect make-up, despite the fact that they most likely go to the same office to meet the same people day after day? I received the answer that day- because it is totally possible to bump into people whom you need to maintain a respectable image for.
For nearly a minute, my mind went bonkers. Did she see me or did she not? What could she be thinking? What’s her opinion of me? How does she see me now? I hope he is well with her. What would I say to her if I had to speak to her? These thoughts raced through my mind, and I concluded that I would never want to talk to her face to face ever, if the choice is mine to make.
Another flickering lightbulb popped up in my head. Why so? The reason came up so swiftly that the realization kidnapped my heart for awhile. BECAUSE I’M FAT. Simple as that. I do not want people who know me from years ago, and have stopped seeing me in recent years, to see me at all. Never mind the pictures on Facebook which already reveal my size. It’s the seeing (and judging) in real life that I imagine to be too harsh for me to handle.
All the talk about being comfortable in my own skin is… not exactly fake, but not completely true. While I am ok with people I hang around with seeing me the way I am, I will try my darnest best to not let anyone whom I have lost contact me see me now. I fear the comments that will slip out of their mouths the moment we say goodbye and I turn my back.
Yes, I am insecure like that.
So now I’m at crux of my little blog post tonight. I can’t hide from people forever. I can’t always reject invitations to meet up for a gathering sessions too. Actually, I wish to re-connect with groups of old friends, just to see how everyone is doing, and to amuse ourselves over how much we have grown and aged. Therefore, I need to slim down. But yeah, I’ve been saying this for too long, like, before I even got fat, so I really do not think there will be a change in my weight in the near future. Despite this post.
Alright I am done ranting.
There are a thousand other thoughts I wish to share here. Let’s see when I’ll find the time and the mood.
Time for Goodbye
Everything changes. I abhor it, but I cannot help it. Right now, I am waging a personal war with Change, but that’s just me refusing to move on or grow up. Anyway, that is not the point of this entry.
Over the past few years, I’ve had public and then private blogs on and off. Each time I go public, I try to put more effort into writing, posting pictures, and updating often, all with the hope that I will become a rather decent blogger. The thing is, I can never write well enough, or be funny enough to satisfy my biggest critic- myself. Neither can I continue to pen down honest thoughts and put my whirlwind-like emotions into apt-enough words anymore. Sometimes I really can’t, other times, I’m not allowed to. My blog has been lacking some kinda spirit for the past few months, and I personally do not approve of such lacklustre documentation of my life. Despite that, I hung on here because I need an outlet to vent. Writing does wonders to me. But lately, a few things have happened- things that I would have loved to write about (and sob to my heart’s content while at it)- but there are no new heartfelt entries posted here. This is when I know that I have moved on. Blogging here doesn’t cut it anymore.
Whether or not I will have another blog in future, I will definitely keep writing. This time round, though, I will not have an audience. I now prefer to keep things private, to keep things to myself, just so that I do not have readers to answer to. Besides, at age 23, my potential entrance into the (some say) scary corporate world signals a need to not reveal too much of myself via a public blog. Too much emo-ness isn’t good huh? Need to learn to keep my fears to myself.
To be completely honest, I am kinda scared. What do I do with myself and my emotions when I stop writing here for my friends and a few kaypoh birds out there who still bother to visit this blog? I have no idea. I guess somehow I’ll find a way to deal with myself. One cannot go any lower when one is already at rock bottom. I still feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, crying several rivers, and punching my fists into the wall. Even right now. But these shall only be known to myself now.
Thanks for reading this, if you still are.
Happy Sunday :)
So Dino suddenly had to go to Batam for a work trip today.
Perhaps my sister kelian-ed me, so she invited me to go out with my bro-in-law and her. 
1st stop: Maxwell Market. Where we ate and ate. I ALWAYS overeat when I’m out with them! >.<
That concludes our lunch *BURP*
Off we went to meet their wedding videographer to collect their wedding videos HAHHAHAH like 5 months overdue. Yes that’s my lazy sister for you. Neo’s (the talented and humble videographer) new office is mad chio!
Oh what i would give to own something liddat. But i have no talent to speak of. 
So i shall just content with snapping pictures of his place.
Saw this while walking back to the car. Guess what we did for the later part of the day?
Went shopping at Vivo. Bought sale items <3
Had dinnerrrrrrrr at Sunshine Plaza.
I am very thankful to have a sister and a brother-in-law whom I feel comfy hanging out with. Even though Dino wasn’t around, I had alot of fun and really enjoyed the day. 
闷人物语
今天早上我在想，为什么我每天都要看人家的脸色。后来又想了想，每一件事情的发生都有起因。与其再哪里不开心，不如试着去把问题的源头究出来，可能心情也会好一些。
比个例子：我不明白为什么mommy and uncle 偶尔很疼我，偶尔又对我不理不睬。其实仔细想，就记得，上个星期，男朋友出国时，他们有很照顾我，万事都有想到我。但男朋友一回来，我们天天都出去处理一些事情，忙得忽略了我的家人。难怪他们会有一点不开心，表现得比较不“疼”我了。绕了一大圈，其实责任要自己扛。
两个人在一起，往往会忽略到周围的人，这是正常的。但，如果良人吵架了，要怎么跟之前自己忽略了的人诉苦呢？
It’s Okay
It’s Okay
It’s okay to be afraid
of the things you don’t understand.
It’s okay to feel anxious
when things aren’t working your way.
It’s okay to feel lonely…
even when you’re with other people.
It’s okay to feel unfulfilled
when you know something is missing
(even if you’re not sure what it is).
It’s okay to think and worry and cry.
-Laine Parsons
Found this creed in one of my old inspirational quote-book. It applies to what i’ve been feeling recently, and is strangely comforting.
I wanted to be witty here, and in fact I do think of a few interesting lines when I’m too busy to post blog entries. ONLY when I’m too busy to be here.
I have a thousand and one things to say, but I find it hard to lift the barrier off my barrage of words, after so long.
I read people’s blogs, celebrities and commoners alike , and wonder why they are so happy in life.
Living the Life (of an unemployed)
Was browsing through my old posts and saw the nice (if i may say so myself) picture of my pale purplish grey bag that was new then. Now that it has been to Taiwan and a few places in Singapore, part of the leather (?) has chipped and it’s kinda peeling near the straps. Bad, bad quality. This is why I am finally considering branded bags seriously for the first time in my life. For the quality.
But all in all, material things lose their value in time to come. Unlike true emotions. Yes I am still a hopeless romantic at heart, I believe in forever and true love. Not everlasting love, but love that adapts/develops as the dynamics of a relationship changes.
*
I was here to blog about my resolve to stop moping around and feeling bored with life because it suddenly hit me that hey! once I start working I won’t be able to enjoy such free afternoons anymore! Hence I will live meaningfully everyday, do whatever I wish to (as long as my wallet and bank account can still sustain me) and truly live the life of someone who is done with school but has yet to be gainfully employed. 
This week, I shall start with a visit to the library, some cafe-hopping, leisurely shopping to scout for good buys, and scooting ard Singapore in search of my fav foods. Am so eggcited and happy over my very brief plans. Also hope that my tutees won’t cancel on me again because I need to finance such trippy times w myself hehe ^^
For now, let me go do 30 situps after concluding this post…
(Mad for) Mad for Garlic
He presented me with the Standard-Charted 1-for-1 main course voucher this afternoon, and I had been anticipating dinnertime with bated breath because I have been wanting to this restaurant out.
The verdict? Nice. The decor was adequately posh, ambience comfortable, service was prompt, and more importantly the food was great. Er ordered a pizza and a pasta, both were great! The incorporation of garlic in both dishes were not too subtly but nicely done… Garlic complements the dishes very very well. Of course, it helps that I LOVE garlic. Gosh, I miss the food there already! Refer to the picture of the pizza pls. The cheese was grated onto our plate after it was served, right before our eyes. Woo! I did not even ask for Tabasco Sauce, that’s how good it is.
Was told by a waitress that the place is opened by a Korean. True enough I kinda spy some hints in the menu, esp the drinks section. nice touch, since I have a soft spot for all things Korean lol. Actually the food here reminds me of the Italian food I had while in Korea. Sch buds you hear me??! Hehe ^^
The next time I visit the place, I’m gonna try the risotto! Cannot wait!
